Thinking about dedicating a couple of days during the week for this space right here! Say Mondays and Tuesdays to be the main days then whenever Id be free or feel like it. Sounds good.
Random thought. Why is it that I feel a strange connection or develop a sense of liking to people when i know i wont be around them for long? During my last months here, Ive met a lot of people that I liked! Really cool people. Some crazy, Some really quiet but you can tell they have stories and they have their own stories about themselves. Each person you meet has a story, everyone has something to teach and share. Everyone has something that I can learn. Not necessarily something huge, it could be anything. Anything. As long as its positive of course.
"I am soft, because I understand the hardness of others. I am sensitive, because nothing is sadder than those who cannot feel. I am gentle, because I have seen how the rough can break." -Elisabeth Pfeffer
But why is it so? Why is it that when a person is departing, moving on, leaving, traveling would be the time you meet people you like. Does this mean that I cant settle in a place for long to meet people? keep it on the go? no thats ridiculous ofcourse. But its a fun thought.
But really, Its not like during my long stay here I havent met awesome people or had amazing experiences. I did! But this is a bit different for me. Im not settled, I dont know what would happen, Im unsure of anything and of everything. But yet Im meeting people and im visiting places and its all great. Im not complaining. I guess everyone experiences different things at different times and this just happens to be my time to experience this. Its all good. all good. good. :').
"I could start fires with the way I feel for you." -Unknown. This is how I felt for someone once. Its crazy. I could have compromised anything. strange thing I felt like I was unstoppable! nothing could have come in my way! now we need to find someone that matches that vibe haha. Nahh, no need.
"Until we have seen someones darkness, we dont really know who they are. Until we have forgiven
someones darkness, we dont really know what love is." -Marianne Williamson.
Experienced that before. dont really want to get too deep into this but im 50/50 with this quote. Are you saying that someone HAS to experience someones darkness and then forgive them to be able to really know what love is? No. Well, if it does happen and a person forgives it, then ok maybe thats some sort of love but I dont really want to confine love to that only. So, 50/50 on the 2nd part. 70% for now, on the first part.
I was having a conversation with a friend a couple of days ago. She asked me if in my opinion it would be possible to find love like in the movies. I didnt have an answer. Matter of fact im the worst person to be asked such a question. Im no expert and clearly no love life at all. I had no idea. but from my experience it is best to not love someone too much i said. Love is complicated. It ends up being a bunch of other emotions and feelings that are not so positive also! WORRY, JEALOUSY, FEAR, and a bunch of other things i cant remember right now XD. So your best bet, Love yourself. Keep looking maybe you'll find I said. Right now love seems to me like a temporary feeling that you get every once in a while. it could be with anyone and with anything. experiences, people, you name it. surround yourself with love. That sounds like general love though, not really relationshipy. anyway...
I just decided to add that love conversation since this post was questioning emotions im having with people. But I think love is overrated. im tired of those love posts and rants, lets find something else to talk about next time. mayybee. I am personally fine with being with a person that 'loves me' and i do also but it must start with enjoying each others company and finding interest in each other, encouraging each other and inspiring each other. I dont know..PFF nevermind. too much work right now.
A new perspective. "Silence is Beautiful, not awkward. The human tendency to be afraid of something beautiful is awkward." -Elliot Kay.
Dont be awkward ;) or lets allow awkwardness to be the new normal. Nothing wrong with being awkward Mr. E.K but i get your point. Its ok to be silent. lets indulge in silence and find ourselves in it. Speaking of silence, I heard about those Silence meditation camps from different people twice in a row. is that a sign that i should find a place? Its an experience why not? a beautiful one. Id love to try it. Ive downloaded an E-book a year or so ago called the silent mind. didnt finish it but i did write a few thoughts on paper from what i thought about it. I think id like it a lot.
Ok maybe when im a bit free, I am stressed out! I hope things work out! *prayers*.
Thank you Pedro for inspiring me to write again. Thanks :)
"To fall in love with someones thoughts- the most intimate, splendid romance." -Sanober Khan.
Pedro has his own blog, and I enjoy reading his thoughts and adventures. I told him I wanted to do exactly everything he was doing because it was just awesome and he told me i should find my own journey and advenure because that was his and i should make my own as well :). He also said that reading someones writing is almost like trespassing through a persons mind! Its awesome. When im in the mood, Yes! haha
"Some people never go crazy, what truly horrible lives they must live." -Charles Bukowski
P.S. (people being too deep and shit nowadays or just expressing themselves more I dont know). Just a world observation from my part. Not bad! either way.
Tuesday 23 June 2015
Sunday 21 June 2015
Alexithymia
I miss him. :). I cant do anything about it. It sucks when you feel like you want something and you cant get it and you cant do anything about it. Generally speaking. This should be rare, special situations. But normally if a person wants something they can always do something about it to get it. In this case, move ooooon! Haha. I have, but I cant help it, sometimes I get really sad and i feel my chest (where my heart is lol) making a strange emotion. wait let me rephrase, I feel a strange emotion in my chest area. it could be the ciggs im smoking though :,).
We talked about everything except the space between us. -Kevin Barry. (Random quote I felt connected to. Shut up Sumaya)
I honestly think im a really cool person. This is a weird post but its my blog and i can be as weird as I want and write whatever bullshit i want to write. doesnt matter.
I feel like recently I talk alot. About random things. Its like im trying to make it all about me which sucks. It really does. and i think this happens uncosciously. It could make people not want to hang out with me :/. Especially if its a person that I met not long ago. Potential friends etc. I could be having a convo. with someone and Id be the only one talking for a long time and its boring.
Yesterday I went to a place called Merdekarya. This place is AWESOMENESS. honestly, my kind o place. the entire setting, to how hidden it was (you literally have to access the entrance through a wooden door in a narrow tiny alley on the back. Everything in there was either made by the owners, picked up from the street or IKEA. No entrance fee, just buy a drank! very chill and hidden.
We enter and theres a bunch of people seated listening to a band playing. The place was not very big so you feel the music surrounding you. We sat in a couch by the clearly hand-made stage were the band was playing. so much emotions. I love the place because they support freedom of speech and opinions. Artists that gig there sing about anything and everything they would like no boundaries. The walls were filled with art and a curtain separates the main place where the stage is and another living room kind of thing. they have a few couched there and a library where they sell mainly local authors books and Musicians c.d's. We went there for a quick smoke, I used the toilet and we went back. This time the couch was occupied so we sat on the floor by the stage. another 2 bands performed then we finally left.
I think id go there again for sure! its almost like a place where one could hang out in during the week. maybe once or twice. something like that. Good vibes, wonderful energy. Excellent Merdekarya. Where were you my entire life! XP
Went home briefly then took a walk to explore a park nearby my new place. It was beautiful but i was a bit high and conused for some reason. We ended up sitting at a bench and when I looked around there was a toilet infront of us. we looked suspicious or then again maybe i was just high.
Im trying to be more productive so I contacted a photographer slash muay thai intsructor slash life and spirituality teacher? kind of thing, and asked if i could help around. I think we might just end up hanging out once or twice and chatting about life and what not, thats it. although id like to learn a thing or two. Anything. Seriously. Teach me!!!
I have a lot of love to give, and so i think i should teach for some time or volunteer. Work with kids. Lets try?
"Passion is the bridge that takes you from pain to change"- Frida Khalo.
I was just going through my facebook feed and I saw the above quote. Its perfect :). I have alot of passion, just need to find the right thing for me! ;D
So anyway, Im done with myrant for today :I feel better :). Bye
If you want to be happy, be -Leo Tolstoy
We talked about everything except the space between us. -Kevin Barry. (Random quote I felt connected to. Shut up Sumaya)
I honestly think im a really cool person. This is a weird post but its my blog and i can be as weird as I want and write whatever bullshit i want to write. doesnt matter.
I feel like recently I talk alot. About random things. Its like im trying to make it all about me which sucks. It really does. and i think this happens uncosciously. It could make people not want to hang out with me :/. Especially if its a person that I met not long ago. Potential friends etc. I could be having a convo. with someone and Id be the only one talking for a long time and its boring.
Yesterday I went to a place called Merdekarya. This place is AWESOMENESS. honestly, my kind o place. the entire setting, to how hidden it was (you literally have to access the entrance through a wooden door in a narrow tiny alley on the back. Everything in there was either made by the owners, picked up from the street or IKEA. No entrance fee, just buy a drank! very chill and hidden.
We enter and theres a bunch of people seated listening to a band playing. The place was not very big so you feel the music surrounding you. We sat in a couch by the clearly hand-made stage were the band was playing. so much emotions. I love the place because they support freedom of speech and opinions. Artists that gig there sing about anything and everything they would like no boundaries. The walls were filled with art and a curtain separates the main place where the stage is and another living room kind of thing. they have a few couched there and a library where they sell mainly local authors books and Musicians c.d's. We went there for a quick smoke, I used the toilet and we went back. This time the couch was occupied so we sat on the floor by the stage. another 2 bands performed then we finally left.
I think id go there again for sure! its almost like a place where one could hang out in during the week. maybe once or twice. something like that. Good vibes, wonderful energy. Excellent Merdekarya. Where were you my entire life! XP
Went home briefly then took a walk to explore a park nearby my new place. It was beautiful but i was a bit high and conused for some reason. We ended up sitting at a bench and when I looked around there was a toilet infront of us. we looked suspicious or then again maybe i was just high.
Im trying to be more productive so I contacted a photographer slash muay thai intsructor slash life and spirituality teacher? kind of thing, and asked if i could help around. I think we might just end up hanging out once or twice and chatting about life and what not, thats it. although id like to learn a thing or two. Anything. Seriously. Teach me!!!
I have a lot of love to give, and so i think i should teach for some time or volunteer. Work with kids. Lets try?
"Passion is the bridge that takes you from pain to change"- Frida Khalo.
I was just going through my facebook feed and I saw the above quote. Its perfect :). I have alot of passion, just need to find the right thing for me! ;D
So anyway, Im done with myrant for today :I feel better :). Bye
If you want to be happy, be -Leo Tolstoy
Friday 19 June 2015
Happy moments recently
I just moved from my place a little under a week ago. Noticing im feeling happier and I cant point my finger on exactly what it is thats been making me feel strangely happier or why.
The other day i caught myself smiling..for no reason whatsoever. Just smiling. And i wasnt exactly in a situation that would normally make a person smile. I was stuck at my friends lobby gate, couldnt get inside because i dont own an access card to her condo. and so I just had to wait there until someone is leaving or coming inside the building and only then id be able to get in. Why were you smiling Sumaya! Cheeky little monkey. But hey all good. I was shortly afterwards beeped in, and I swear the person must have thought im weird. Just standing there smiling haha.
I am grateful for whatever, whichever, however it is. Atleast i try to be that way but every one experiences ups and downs and thats just how it is and i have my moments I wont lie!
I dont usually socialise much (or thats how its been before) and i must say especially not much with girls as i normally have a group of handpicked people in general that id hang out with and im satisfied. Recent college years (thats how we rolled)
This has not been the case lately, and im loving it! I went out yesterday with a bunch of girls that i know only one of well. We go way back to primary and havent had the chance or time before to hang out much. So anyway I enjoyed everyones company and it was a blast. Proud of myself, I am really trying over here XP. Nahh not really, just trying to have some fun and enjoy myself with good company :)
Keeping this post short..till the next one!
The other day i caught myself smiling..for no reason whatsoever. Just smiling. And i wasnt exactly in a situation that would normally make a person smile. I was stuck at my friends lobby gate, couldnt get inside because i dont own an access card to her condo. and so I just had to wait there until someone is leaving or coming inside the building and only then id be able to get in. Why were you smiling Sumaya! Cheeky little monkey. But hey all good. I was shortly afterwards beeped in, and I swear the person must have thought im weird. Just standing there smiling haha.
I am grateful for whatever, whichever, however it is. Atleast i try to be that way but every one experiences ups and downs and thats just how it is and i have my moments I wont lie!
I dont usually socialise much (or thats how its been before) and i must say especially not much with girls as i normally have a group of handpicked people in general that id hang out with and im satisfied. Recent college years (thats how we rolled)
This has not been the case lately, and im loving it! I went out yesterday with a bunch of girls that i know only one of well. We go way back to primary and havent had the chance or time before to hang out much. So anyway I enjoyed everyones company and it was a blast. Proud of myself, I am really trying over here XP. Nahh not really, just trying to have some fun and enjoy myself with good company :)
Keeping this post short..till the next one!
Tuesday 16 June 2015
Lao
Let me say, I've been meaning to post this for some time now..I have a lot going on :) Not a bad thing but i should make more time for my blog. I would love to document more things here and hats exactly what ill make as a mission.
Lao was a good experience. I've lived in KL for 5 years alone but I've never really traveled to another country completely alone. I always either travel with people or meet people there. I know this might be a bit lame since its something not unusual but it was new to me!!!
I arrive at the airport, I feel relieved. Finally I made it. So now I find that I have to get the visa which of course i already knew about but somehow it slipped my mind that id have to pay for it. Thankfully i had some 100 dollars on me otherwise i don't really know what would have happened. All my cash was in my bank account. would they have accepted a master card? XD haha.
It was 30$ for me, I pass through and find my luggage ready. There was this musician i was eyeing. Cute! Anything walking around with an instrument i would most probably find attractive.
I get outside, I managed to book a hostel during my long layover in transit and wrote down the address, so i thought for a minute that i could just walk and ask around and hopefully find the place, but then i was sort of tired from the long trip and figured id just get a cab.
On the way i manage to have a short chat with the driver, I ask about places to visit in Vientiane and gathered there wasn't much but anyway i already knew. The drive was less than 15 mins, Its a very small place.
I reach the hostel, its not all that but i wasn't expecting much anyway. people were very nice. The owner recognized me, as in they were expecting me and i checked in. I was a little bit worried since this would have been the first time i stay in a mixed hostel and so my original plan was to stay for a day or so then see how it goes.
I put my stuff and i get more concerned because i don't see any girls so i go to the front desk and ask if there are any ladies coming and he laughs for a while then assures me some Koreans will be coming.
Most of the time i spent sitting outside. they had a table with a few chairs around. not much of a view. there was a building being constructed right across and i found it very fascinating that the workers there would play really loud music through speakers while they would work. Never seen this anywhere before and i enjoyed it XD.
I would take the hostel owners guitar and just sit out there strumming. I don't know how to play but there was a day i felt a bit stressed out and i felt much better afterwards. I strum and its beautiful to my ears. It is a wonderful thing. to make music with your own hands. And so I feel that if I own a guitar and i get a chance to learn, I would have the ability to play with so much passion.
Usually sitting outside was also a chance to meet and socialize with people. There were a lot of Koreans and I met about three that would sit outside sometimes and we would chat. Usually we ask questions like were are you from and what are you doing here. half an hour later or so I would find myself promoting the movie "The interview". I've seen it not long ago after all the talk on it died a bit and i found it very entertaining.
I loved the Laotian women traditional wear. It was like a wrap around skirt and i thought it was beautiful. Usually held by a metallic belt (which i thought was an addition, as a trend or so). My observation of Vientiane, is that it gave me the impression that people there were mainly sort of traditional and reserved but as i went out more I noticed maybe not so much but perhaps to some extent they are.
My first day there I met a German guy who introduced me to two Brazilian girls and a Ukrainian guy that were travelling together from India. We also hung out with two German girls and an Australian guy that were travelling together but those people were doing their own thing so we were just together that night for dinner and some drinks and afterwards we went to a pub were we played some board game (the one with mini football players and a ball). I thought it would be boring but man i had so much fun!
I wanted to go to the Buddha park and the Brazilian girls and the Ukrainian guy said they were going and asked me to join so I agreed but turned out they were cycling there and i don't know how to cycle (Face palm!) so I ended up taking the bus. It wasn't that bad, I met a Finnish girl and there was an explosion of clicking! we just bonded right away and it was awesome. We went for dinner afterwards and had a few bears and caught the night market right before it closed. She asked if i wanted to meet up for breakfast or lunch the following day but I was unfortunately leaving early in the morning. Very nice girl although i was the one who initiated the convo. in the start by asking her to take a picture and sending them to me since my phone was dead (proud of myself though). Being more social. All good XD.
I didn't have enough time in Lao. If i did i would have visited more cities but nonetheless, it was a good experience.
Lao was a good experience. I've lived in KL for 5 years alone but I've never really traveled to another country completely alone. I always either travel with people or meet people there. I know this might be a bit lame since its something not unusual but it was new to me!!!
I arrive at the airport, I feel relieved. Finally I made it. So now I find that I have to get the visa which of course i already knew about but somehow it slipped my mind that id have to pay for it. Thankfully i had some 100 dollars on me otherwise i don't really know what would have happened. All my cash was in my bank account. would they have accepted a master card? XD haha.
It was 30$ for me, I pass through and find my luggage ready. There was this musician i was eyeing. Cute! Anything walking around with an instrument i would most probably find attractive.
I get outside, I managed to book a hostel during my long layover in transit and wrote down the address, so i thought for a minute that i could just walk and ask around and hopefully find the place, but then i was sort of tired from the long trip and figured id just get a cab.
On the way i manage to have a short chat with the driver, I ask about places to visit in Vientiane and gathered there wasn't much but anyway i already knew. The drive was less than 15 mins, Its a very small place.
I reach the hostel, its not all that but i wasn't expecting much anyway. people were very nice. The owner recognized me, as in they were expecting me and i checked in. I was a little bit worried since this would have been the first time i stay in a mixed hostel and so my original plan was to stay for a day or so then see how it goes.
I put my stuff and i get more concerned because i don't see any girls so i go to the front desk and ask if there are any ladies coming and he laughs for a while then assures me some Koreans will be coming.
Most of the time i spent sitting outside. they had a table with a few chairs around. not much of a view. there was a building being constructed right across and i found it very fascinating that the workers there would play really loud music through speakers while they would work. Never seen this anywhere before and i enjoyed it XD.
I would take the hostel owners guitar and just sit out there strumming. I don't know how to play but there was a day i felt a bit stressed out and i felt much better afterwards. I strum and its beautiful to my ears. It is a wonderful thing. to make music with your own hands. And so I feel that if I own a guitar and i get a chance to learn, I would have the ability to play with so much passion.
Usually sitting outside was also a chance to meet and socialize with people. There were a lot of Koreans and I met about three that would sit outside sometimes and we would chat. Usually we ask questions like were are you from and what are you doing here. half an hour later or so I would find myself promoting the movie "The interview". I've seen it not long ago after all the talk on it died a bit and i found it very entertaining.
I loved the Laotian women traditional wear. It was like a wrap around skirt and i thought it was beautiful. Usually held by a metallic belt (which i thought was an addition, as a trend or so). My observation of Vientiane, is that it gave me the impression that people there were mainly sort of traditional and reserved but as i went out more I noticed maybe not so much but perhaps to some extent they are.
My first day there I met a German guy who introduced me to two Brazilian girls and a Ukrainian guy that were travelling together from India. We also hung out with two German girls and an Australian guy that were travelling together but those people were doing their own thing so we were just together that night for dinner and some drinks and afterwards we went to a pub were we played some board game (the one with mini football players and a ball). I thought it would be boring but man i had so much fun!
I wanted to go to the Buddha park and the Brazilian girls and the Ukrainian guy said they were going and asked me to join so I agreed but turned out they were cycling there and i don't know how to cycle (Face palm!) so I ended up taking the bus. It wasn't that bad, I met a Finnish girl and there was an explosion of clicking! we just bonded right away and it was awesome. We went for dinner afterwards and had a few bears and caught the night market right before it closed. She asked if i wanted to meet up for breakfast or lunch the following day but I was unfortunately leaving early in the morning. Very nice girl although i was the one who initiated the convo. in the start by asking her to take a picture and sending them to me since my phone was dead (proud of myself though). Being more social. All good XD.
I didn't have enough time in Lao. If i did i would have visited more cities but nonetheless, it was a good experience.
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